Patience is a virtue we all must learn.
I cannot begin to count the number of times I have been told this cliché throughout the years.
Over all, I consider myself patient in regards to times and schedules; my impatience, however, flares its ugly head when dealing with people who portray a feigned ignorance of something. Its especially bad when I have showed/demonstrated/explained something repeatedly.
I made a resolution to show patience with people....more specifically people that I either work with or am related to.
5 days in and I am failing miserably.
I have little patience with family members...immediate and extended. Most of this stems from the fact that we (myself and the rest of the family) have beliefs and ideologies that are polar opposites. While they can find solace in an unknown higher power...my skepticism prevents me from having such blind and unwavering faith. Yes I do feel that my lack of devout and blind faith leaves me wanting for some kind of peace...for a calming sense during the chaotic storms in my life. But...without my skepticism...I do not think that I could have (on my own) begin a journey to find that TRUTH we all search for (no I havent found it yet...I dont think its possible to do that).
Contact and interactions with family these last few days have found me trying to remain calm and to hear them out when they voice an opinion that has very few facts to support it. Majority of the time I fail....lashing out with exasperation and finished with a heated "WHAT EVER" and an eye roll for good measure. Needless to say I have voiced the belief that I am adopted and that thats the only reason why I am always forgotten/ignored....because its easier to over look something that doesn't conform than fight against it.
Patience with coworkers...eh. Most days its all I can do to NOT haul off and smack them and then go to my supervisors and ask for a position change. Oh I've barged into their offices with a "I need to vent" and proceeded to vent while they look at me dumbfounded at my over emotional self.
A lot of this impaticence stems from the fact that I hold new peoples to the high standards I set for myself and that it isn't feasibly possible to expect someone to understand something day 1....especially coming into the field I work in. Its taxing trying to train someone when they counter every statement made with "But why is it done that way? Where i worked at in another state we did it this way..." Explaining that rules and regulations are different from state to state and from facility to facility appears to fall on deaf ears. But the ultimate trigger comes from these same coworkers who, when questioned why something wasnt done, reply back with "Oh I didn't know we are supposed to be doing this!" They do know what has to be done...and how it needs to be done, yet instead of taking ownership of the mistakes made claim ignorance and pass the blame onto others.
One of my immediate coworkers fits this description. Granted she hasn't worked in the department as long as I have, however, her orientation was nearly 2 weeks long and covered most of the basics with the rest being learned via hands on work. When I first started working with her, I had been moved to her area; within a week of working with her, I had reported to several supervisors that she and some others in the area needed a retrain on nearly everything. Showing her how things needed to be done --THE CORRECT WAY--was an interesting experience to say. the least. I had to re-explain and demonstrate the basics and what to expect when the yearly State review occurred.
The first display of her feigned ignorance occurred a few weeks after I had moved into her area; after being shown repeatedly what I as a supervisor expected she has had the gall to say to ME that she was never shown nor told what was expected and what she needed to be doing. Since that first display, its been all that I can do to NOT lose my cool and rip her a new one (because its not professional and it would quickly turn into a 'she said/she said' situation). I come across as being pissed off and/or moody and distance and with an attitude....which is what I really want to change. I want to be able to call her out and correct her in a way thats not considered being short tempered or bitchy. In other words I want to not let her (spiteful) ignorance get the better of me.
I know my coping mechanisms need to be better; I need to be able to take a deep breathe and say, when I see her first starting to play the ignorance, that I need to have a word with her and pull her to the side and calmly and rationally explain what it is she needs to be doing and how she needs to correct it.
Instead of wanting to go crazy bitch and lose all professional credibility that I have...even though I would feel so much better doing it...
As for being patient with my family...eh...I'm not quite sure what to do with that. The differences in our beliefs are too great, our personalities don't mesh well together. I love them dearly but its not worth the fights and arguments that always ensue when conversation begins to revolve around a sensitive topic. Especially if the only recourse is to remain silent to keep the peace.
*sigh* this is going to be a hard goal for me this year.
